I’m 23, I’m a fucking adult. What am I doing with my life? I’m freaking out right now. There are so many changes I need to make. I’m so overwhelmed and don’t even know where to start. I am better than this. It’s time to fucking grow up and start living up to my potential.
Fucking circadian rhythm.
I feel so out of control.
I’ve lost all sense of who I am and what I stand for.
I feel completely alone and I’m terrified. I know I’m on a path of self destruction, but I have no idea how save myself. I hate this person I’ve become.
I’ve been really fucking good at suppressing my feelings for the past month and half. But for the past couple of weeks I’ve been wondering if breaking up with John was a huge mistake.Seeing John tonight made me finally confront my feelings.
I was so unhappy in Boone, so certain that John was the root of the problem. I wanted to be free, single, and able to do me. I’ve never been so fucking wrong. No one has ever loved me so unconditionally. I had never been happier. He is my best friend. I took him for granted. He had flaws, instead of looking at the big picture I focused on the bad. I was too busy blaming him to take a hard look at myself.
Tomorrow he’s moving across the fucking country and he’s taking my heart with him. I don’t want space. I don’t want anyone else. I fucking want him and only him. When I think about the future, he’s by my side. One of those right person, wrong timing sort of things. He said he felt the same. But I’m so fucking terrified that I’ve lost him for good. I’d give anything to be back in Boone sleeping by his side.
What the fuck did I do? I hate myself. I’m so fucking stupid. And I have no one to blame but myself.
Awkward moment when you can hear one of your roommates fucking.
I bought a $2 square on the football pool sheet at work today; won$50. First time winning anything, EVER! I am one happy biotch. :) Going out tonight even though I have to work at 8 am tomorrow… Wish me luck!